Exclusive iPhone 5 Picture Released in Japan

Fuck For Japan

Get Some God Damn Self Esteem!

I think this is an offer. Is it? Please? Which one of you will eff me off?

Wrong Fucking Book Store?

Waterpark Fun

Happy Moter's Day

I'm not sure what Moter's Day is. Is it a day to celebrate motors? Like a motorcycle or a motorboat? What are we supposed to do for it? Give them some new oil or a tune-up? Let them take the day off or use them more? What's next Robot Day? Vacuum Day? Lawnmower Day?

Oh and don't worry about giving my regards to your Mom. I gave it too her over and over and over again last night. 

WJZ Baltimore Website Is Run By Morons

The.Worst. News. Website. Ever! I've never been to Baltimore. I never want to go. But in my relentless pursuit of cyberstalking Asians, I found 2 hot ones on the same news program. And one of them is from HI. And will be making an appearance here soon. The problem is that the website is run by a bunch of fucking morons! Here's what you will see on a typical day -

And surprise! surprise! When it does work, the video reloads automatically every five minutes. So once you find a video you want to watch, you have to sit through a 30 second ad. Then, if you pause to get a beverage or rub one out, it will reload itself and you'll have to start all over again! I mean how effing hard can it be to stop the entire site from reloading every five minutes? KHNL figured it out using the exact same software. And Hawaii isn't exactly Silicon Valley if you know what I mean.

Here's another awesome feature on this shitty website. Find a link. Click it. It doesn't exist. Change the date in the URI and wala! it works-

 

I was going to highlight the 08 and the 09 in the link, but I was too lazy. Look at it yourself. I did a search and clicked on the link. It took me to the top page. Then I fixed it myself and it worked. Amazing how that is. I could edit this website for them. But unfortunately, I have slightly more than an elementary school education. (Contrary to that stripper's belief.)
AND, this petri dish of a website uses the incredibly customizable Google custom search. Yet it doesn't work well. And they didn't customize it. You can't even sort by date. Or relevance. Or anything. Sort? What is this sort you talk of? I don't think the internet can do that. Sorting doesn't work with the internet. Just like Linux. It doesn't work with the internet you know. I seriously made a better website 20 years ago. When I took a class in HTML at the YMCA. And got it hosted at CompuServe. I would be embarrassed to manage this website. And the worst thing is companies are actually paying to advertise with this crappy crap crap site. I hope they don't pay much. That kind of poor decision making and paying for such a inferior product makes me want to go shop at the competition. Too bad I have to visit the site daily to get my Asian news reporting fix. And that's why I will never visit Baltimore. Your junk site, and their lack of quality control have lost tourism dollars. Dicks.

I'm Lovin It?

I really have to give it to McDonald's. Not many companies can serve shit and have almost no nutritional value yet have billions and billions served. I guess drugs can do that. And Christianity. And tobacco. So on a list of things that are addictive and usually end up in war and death, I guess McDonald's is slightly below opium. At least the customer service is getting better. Once I got a Big Mac that went bun-meat-bun-bun-meat. I'm not a graduate of McDonald's University or even elementary school, but I do know that's not how it's supposed to go. I think a small child could do a better job of making a burger. The sad thing is there was probably someone in the back laughing to themselves thinking how funny it would be to send out a Big Mac with the meat on the bottom. More likely though - some jackass doesn't know up from down, but they can get hired at McDonald's when someone like me is labeled as over-qualified! I'll get you for that Ray Croc. Anyway, here's the grumble. I specifically asked for no pickle and no onion. I told them point blank I can't eat them. They give me gas. When I got the burger, they confirmed no pickle and no onion with a gentle "Sie" And here is what I got.

What's the secret? No matter how shitty their service is, I'll still eat it. Just because they have a fancy clown and a purple piece of poop, and a hamburger that is a thief. And I used to get a toy every time I went there. Like a little piece of Hanukkah with better presents and food! And that is the key to the drug trade. Give them toys and treat them like shit.