Japan Is Number 2

Japan is a whole country with an inferiority complex. They steal all these ideas from us and try to make them better. We give them the TV, they make a projector. We give them a VCR, they make a Blu-Ray player. (And shouldn't it be an Aoi-Ray player if it is truly Japanese?)

Today I've found their latest trend, *surprisingly in the porn field. (*Surprising since Japan never has anything to do with kinky, strange, fetish, porn or anything like that...)

We give them the skull fuck, they come back with the eye blow! Behold!









I'm still not too sure what an eye blow is, but I'm sure it has something to do with a pencil and a sick, sick, manga filled mind.

At least they know they will always be number 2. At least that's why all the girls hold up 2 fingers in every picture they take.

Dr Placenta

Once I was in Hawaii. Or at least I was dreaming about Jarah Mariano in Hawaii with me. Point of the story is I took this Whale Watching cruise. It was more like Denny's on the ocean, but the waffles were better, and the only whales I saw were the tourists on the cruise with me. (Zing!) Anyway, they had this human looking whale talking about the ocean living whales and she kept talking about the whale's placenta! Now I'm no scientist like that handsome Tom Cruise, but the last place I want to hear about any placenta is during my breakfast! Pointless story short, it looks like Japan is now selling placenta for those that can't get enough of it during their breakfast. Don't ask me what it is or what it's used for, all I can tell you is it's no substitute for maple syrup.

Donkey Show?

So while shopping for my girlfriend, doing research on the web, looking for porn, I found this nice picture of a horse. With a girl standing next to it in a bra and panties! Why would any company take a shot like this? Is this supposed to make girls buy this underwear? Do cowgirls think “That girl is wearing her underwear near the horse so maybe I should start doing that”? Or are they targeting a very specific group of female dancers that work below the border? And by below the border I mean Mexico. Not that dirty place your mind is in. Hmmph!

Internet Dipshittery of the Week

This week's dipshit award goes to Arbys. It looks like they've been giving away so much free food, they had to lay-off their web editors, or anyone with a grade school education.

Celebarte? Really? This is an international chain. You would think someone somewhere would notice this besides me. And it's not even one of those difficult words, this is second grade spelling bee round 2 stuff. (That's grade 2 for you Canuckers) How embarrassing. I'm not eating at Arbys ever again...unless it's free.Or someone else is paying. Or they have a bikini mannequin standing out front.

Take that Mexico!

So here's Obama's new immigration policy, let the drug cartels ruin Mexico, God will strike them with a flu and an earthquake, everyone will die, and then the US can just annex whats left. No more illegals - we've assilmilated only those who lived - the strong ones can now be Americans.

Seriously, WHY is this swine flu on every TV channel from here to Mumbai? Are they trying to fill the void left by OJ and Britney?

















Here are some quick facts -

People in the US - 300,000,000
People in Mehico - 110,000,000
Confirmed deaths from swine flu - 150
Cases in Mehico - 2000
Cases in the US - 65
People killed this year from the drug lords - 11,000
People killed by AIDs in the US - 15,000

(All facts come from me counting on my fingers)

Here are the percentages -
Americans with swine flu - .0002%
Mexicans with swine flu - .02%
Worldwide deaths from swine flu - .0000023%

You have a higher chance of getting struck by lightning, bitten by a shark, or contracting a disease from Flava Flav than dying from swine flu.

Bloomberg reports -

"If the world is facing a pandemic, 'this is a nice, gentle pandemic,' said John Oxford, a virologist at Queen Mary’s School of Medicine in London."

What is a nice gentle pandemic? It either is a pandemic or it's a media fabrication, you can't have both!

Bloomy also reports-

"The World Bank, in a worst-case scenario published in October, said a flu pandemic that’s similar in scope to the 1918 outbreak known as the Spanish flu could kill 71 million people worldwide and push the economy into a “major global recession” costing more than $3 trillion."

That was 1918! When people still rode around on horses and fought dragons for fair maidens and stuff. The reason this won't happen again is because we don't use leeches and chanting to cure a flu! Or cut off someone's arm and let them bleed the flu out! And aren't we already in a global recession? Is this just a clever plan by the WHO to get some bailout money as well?

Why is this newsworthy? Did some media conglomerate invest in Tamiflu or face masks? On the upside, criminals now have great disguises to rob banks, plunder, and create general mayhem. Just put on a face mask and no one knows who the real criminals are. (I think I saw that in a movie.) What can the banks do? Make everyone take off their masks before they come in?

When Are These Coming To the USA?

I saw these all over in Japan 5 years ago, and thought they might make it to the US by now. 

I'm not talking about hot transvestites, (or as they say in Japan - nuhafu) but those hand dryers! They blast air and get your hands dry in mere seconds. Maybe we can't get them here because they don't dry pee out of your pants when you have an accident or forget your adult diapers. 

SEXY UPDATE - I recently read that James Dyson invented this. I'm sure 15 years ago when Mitsubishi had these all over Japan, it was James Dyson that sold them the patent. What's next? He's going to "invent" a heated toilet seat? Something that will cook just rice? A huge lizard that destroys cities?

Quit Making Fun of Asians!

First it was the Spaniards. Que Sara Sierra Leone.













Then Miley Cyrus and friends!?! I can just imagine the conversation - everyone act like an Asian, and Masa, since you are Asian, act like a dumbass white girl.















Now, the TWINS cutie Charlene Choi has just upped the ante. Beat this you racist belly-achers!