ASUS Support Is Full Of Asses

Not asses like assholes, but asses like donkeys. And not the good kind that you would see in a show in Mehico or certain parts of Alabama. I could have gotten better service from a robot or a recording. Here's the short version.
I bought the Asus EB1006B from Amazon. It has wireless N, ATI video, HDMI out, some other cool stuff, and comes with a wireless keyboard/mouse, and a VESA mount kit. Seems like a perfect way to watch RedTube on my HDTV. It comes with 1GB of RAM and every site says it can support 2GB, so I figured for a great porn viewing experience, I better get more RAM.
It showed up and I pulled it out with my RAM in hand ready to upgrade, but ah, wait a minute....there's no window to open, no easy pop-off slide or anything. There are 4 screws on the bottom. 2 of them hold in the HDD. I'm glad they made that so easy to remove since ALL my storage is remote. I pulled out the other 2 screws and they did nothing. Am I supposed to slide it open? Do I have to pry it open? Are there some load bearing screws under some stickers? I decided to Google it because someone has to have a tutorial online. Nothing. I went to ASUSTek.com because I figured they might have something. They only have 3 entries total for the EB1006. So I decided to take advantage of my 1 year of free support and email them. I just wanted a quick document, a .pdf, or even a slideshow. They replied that I need to call support or send it in to a service center. The damn thing only cost $250, $300 with the RAM. I'm not about to pay to send it in to get them to do something my grandma can do if they designed it right in the first place.
So I called the support line listed in the email. I finally got through to someone and was told it was the wrong department. They at least transferred me. The next guy sounded like he want to practice speaking English more than support me. It took him 10 minutes to get the serial number from me. There were so many numbers on the box, and none of them had any S/N in front of them.
I told him what was up and his reply was that I need to leave the box as it is or I will void my warranty. I asked why it is advertised as upgradable to 2GB then - isn't that deceptive advertising? His reply changed a little, now he understands my concern, but any change will void my warranty. I told him I didn't care, just tell me how to do it. "Any change will void my warranty." So if I install MS Office, or Java, or Firefox isn't that considered a change? What if I format the drive and install Linux instead of the shit they call Windows XP that it came with? "Any change will void the warranty." Let me talk to the management then...or will even a change in support void my warranty? Oh shit! I already got transferred from the last person, so much for my warranty!
Several days later I got an email survey from ASUS. I usually try to be nice on those surveys, but that guy can go suck an egg.

Anyway, I decided to just tear the thing apart. If the case got damaged a little, it didn't matter since it was going to be mounted to my TV anyway. For those of you that like to Google stuff before you do stuff, here is:

How to upgrade the RAM on an ASUS Eee Box EB1006-

1. Unscrew the 4 screws on the bottom. I pulled out the HDD just for kicks.
2. Lay the box on it's side with all the stickers facing down.
3. Take something flat, a screwdriver, guitar pick, hammerhead shark, and slide it gently in the corner above the screws. I used this blue thing that came with a toolset I got for $1 from China.

4. Slide it across slowly around the border.

5. TA-DA! Here is the RAM compartment I was looking for. Unscrew the screw and swap out the RAM as
usual.

6. Call ASUS support at 1-888-678-3688 and tell them to suck an egg. They may transfer you to the egg sucking department who will tell you it will void your warranty.

Google Wins My Heart Again

I know that Google is based out of California, but it looks like a majority of their users are from the South. Here's the proof -


Those are the top 3 questions I was looking to get an answer to, except I don't have a sister, or a boyfriend, or a birth certificate...Thanks Google Suggests!

I Love The Internet!

Now this is service! Not only do they thank me for downloading ass, they give me a link back to the ass. If only every company was this attentive. (Do you hear me HP? Or Best Buy? I'm talking to you. Jackasses.)


And here is the worst spam of the week. I usually open all of my spam and click on all the links, because if someone cares enough to write a script to have a bot send ME something, they deserve to have their poor grammar looked at. Initially, I thought the domain was "wearscock.com" but they weren't that witty I guess.

Japan Is Number 2

Japan is a whole country with an inferiority complex. They steal all these ideas from us and try to make them better. We give them the TV, they make a projector. We give them a VCR, they make a Blu-Ray player. (And shouldn't it be an Aoi-Ray player if it is truly Japanese?)

Today I've found their latest trend, *surprisingly in the porn field. (*Surprising since Japan never has anything to do with kinky, strange, fetish, porn or anything like that...)

We give them the skull fuck, they come back with the eye blow! Behold!









I'm still not too sure what an eye blow is, but I'm sure it has something to do with a pencil and a sick, sick, manga filled mind.

At least they know they will always be number 2. At least that's why all the girls hold up 2 fingers in every picture they take.

Dr Placenta

Once I was in Hawaii. Or at least I was dreaming about Jarah Mariano in Hawaii with me. Point of the story is I took this Whale Watching cruise. It was more like Denny's on the ocean, but the waffles were better, and the only whales I saw were the tourists on the cruise with me. (Zing!) Anyway, they had this human looking whale talking about the ocean living whales and she kept talking about the whale's placenta! Now I'm no scientist like that handsome Tom Cruise, but the last place I want to hear about any placenta is during my breakfast! Pointless story short, it looks like Japan is now selling placenta for those that can't get enough of it during their breakfast. Don't ask me what it is or what it's used for, all I can tell you is it's no substitute for maple syrup.

Donkey Show?

So while shopping for my girlfriend, doing research on the web, looking for porn, I found this nice picture of a horse. With a girl standing next to it in a bra and panties! Why would any company take a shot like this? Is this supposed to make girls buy this underwear? Do cowgirls think “That girl is wearing her underwear near the horse so maybe I should start doing that”? Or are they targeting a very specific group of female dancers that work below the border? And by below the border I mean Mexico. Not that dirty place your mind is in. Hmmph!

Internet Dipshittery of the Week

This week's dipshit award goes to Arbys. It looks like they've been giving away so much free food, they had to lay-off their web editors, or anyone with a grade school education.

Celebarte? Really? This is an international chain. You would think someone somewhere would notice this besides me. And it's not even one of those difficult words, this is second grade spelling bee round 2 stuff. (That's grade 2 for you Canuckers) How embarrassing. I'm not eating at Arbys ever again...unless it's free.Or someone else is paying. Or they have a bikini mannequin standing out front.