I'm Lovin It?

I really have to give it to McDonald's. Not many companies can serve shit and have almost no nutritional value yet have billions and billions served. I guess drugs can do that. And Christianity. And tobacco. So on a list of things that are addictive and usually end up in war and death, I guess McDonald's is slightly below opium. At least the customer service is getting better. Once I got a Big Mac that went bun-meat-bun-bun-meat. I'm not a graduate of McDonald's University or even elementary school, but I do know that's not how it's supposed to go. I think a small child could do a better job of making a burger. The sad thing is there was probably someone in the back laughing to themselves thinking how funny it would be to send out a Big Mac with the meat on the bottom. More likely though - some jackass doesn't know up from down, but they can get hired at McDonald's when someone like me is labeled as over-qualified! I'll get you for that Ray Croc. Anyway, here's the grumble. I specifically asked for no pickle and no onion. I told them point blank I can't eat them. They give me gas. When I got the burger, they confirmed no pickle and no onion with a gentle "Sie" And here is what I got.

What's the secret? No matter how shitty their service is, I'll still eat it. Just because they have a fancy clown and a purple piece of poop, and a hamburger that is a thief. And I used to get a toy every time I went there. Like a little piece of Hanukkah with better presents and food! And that is the key to the drug trade. Give them toys and treat them like shit.

Dell Can Suck My Unwashed Balls!

Back to the point of this blog. Bitching about things. I was going to bitch about HP and AT&T. Both companies have customer service agents that can read a script slightly better than a one-eyed jack, and speak English slightly better than a West Virginia hillbilly. Sadly, I have to stay with AT&T, at least until Verizon gets the iPhone. That damn Steve Jobs and his iPhone. It's like a drug. It's like crack. It's worse. I can't go 5 minutes without it. Believe me. I used to do crack. Anyway, point being AT&T's customer service can't make any changes without totally fucking up your plan. I wonder how they change their pants.

Back to Dell. They are the latest on my piss list. I've been looking at buying a Dell mini 10v. Not because it's cool or anything. Just because I want something small that I can run Hackintosh on. (Damn that Steve Jobs.) Apparently, the Dell mini is good fit. The current version only has a 0.3 megapixel camera. And it's about twice the price of a refurbished mini 10v. And they have a 15% discount that is good until tomorrow. So it seemed like all the stars were lined up. I ordered one on Black Friday. It got canceled. I did spend some time looking for more coupons and trying to find a credit card that wasn't maxed out yet, so I figured it was my fault. I logged into the site daily, and after a while, they finally had some in stock again! I ordered again. It was canceled again! I tried it again on the next stock. CANCELED! Look at my inbox here -

I order different laptops 5 effing times! Canceled 5 effing times! Finally, I decided to call them and figure out what the Sam Hill was going on. I finally got through to sales support who couldn't find any of these 5 orders. He transferred me to some bitch in the 'pines that told me she can't sell me a refurb, but she would love to sell me a new one. I explained nicely to her that I didn't want a new one, I wanted to find out what was wrong with the website. She just sat there quietly and then asked if I wanted to buy a new one!?! It was like talking to the housekeeping lady at a motel! I asked her why the website posts the mini as available, I can check out, and then hours later I get canceled. She said it was a marketing error. And there is no way for me to buy a mini 10v. But she can sell me a new 1018. I started asking for someone that can resolve this and she hung up. 

I figured - screw them. The same models that I bought this morning were on the website again when she "lost the call" Another funny thing - she took down my cell phone in case the line dropped. I wonder why she never called back.  Probably because she is a bitch. Or maybe she couldn't figure out how to call the US from her rotary phone. Or maybe she figured out I wasn't going to buy a new computer and she wasn't going to get her .03 cents commission. Or maybe because Dell doesn't give a shit about anyone. Or maybe because she was a bitch. 

So Dell  can blow me. And Asus can suck me. HP can try a little DP if I've had enough to drink. I'm running out of computer manufacturers here. Lenovo? Sony? Acer? Gateway? Tandy? I'm going to find an old Dell at work and smash it Office Space style. And send the video to Michael Dell. With a picture of my unshorn balls for him to suck. Or play with. Or shave. It's up to him. That's the only way I'll ever buy another Dell. The ball is in your court Mr Dell. Pun intended.

Balls On Chin

I know the Japanese are into a lot of crazy ass shit, but I don't think they have a clear grasp on the idea of balls on chin yet -

Free on Amazon - Spell Checking!

This is better than the Arby's mistake a few months ago - Amazon doesn't even have a storefront, every single person looking at the hairy gold box is going to see this mistake. At least for the next hour or so....

I'll get one for each member of my fmaily.

High Fashion

At least someone understands the importance of seafood in fashion.

That Was Yesterday

Thanks again Google Translate!

Two Girls One Fifa World Cup

I watched a few minutes of the Brazil (or Brasil in some circles) World Cup soccer match today. Not because I'm one of those douchebags that suddenly wear green and yellow for a few days every 4 years, and try to recite the different versions of Ronalds on their team, but because I was skipping out on work and didn't want to Judge Judy, or Judge Alex, or Judge Reinhold, or Judge Mint. The game was very informative, not only is the Brazil team effing awesome, but I also learned there is a North Korea. I always thought Korea was like California, were there is a North and a South, and they hate each other, but they were still the same state, or country, or prefecture. The best part about the game - North Korea is refered to as Korea DPR. I've met many, many dirty birdies from Korea and they all love the DP, so I guess it's very fitting. And when did the ESPN announcers start speaking a foreign language? It seemed like English but it was not. Time for me to go celebrate Korea's loss by donkey punching some dirty Korean birds....